Vocal Complexities

I experienced conflict with a significant other; something upset me and I let him know. As we worked through it [successfully, I'm pleased to acknowledge], we addressed not only the what but the how. In my delivery, he gave me a 4; for content an 8. I acknowledge that 45 minutes of reflection had certainly improved my delivery, meaning that I could have been much worse! Clearly, I have a way to go.

Finding voice is complicated; it necessitates both tone and content. Authentic voice requires attentiveness to one's audience, that is to say, considering not only what one needs to say but also what the other needs to hear and how they will best hear it.

I have often privileged the content of what is right over the manner in which it is delivered. If I am honest, I privilege being right over being kind most often when I am in delivery mode. It is easy on the receiving end to privilege kindness and compassion. It is tempting in delivery mode to be righteous about the what....about the naive truth that "I am right". Speaking truth genuinely is hard. Living authentically is tough work. As I learn to speak truth more often, I must also learn to do so more compassionately. I cannot practice one lesson without the other.

I love the biblical narrative of the woman at the well. When Jesus meets this Samaritan woman, he speaks truth in a manner that communicates genuine love above all else. It is clear that Jesus knows her....really knows her. He recognizes the sin in her life, but simultaneously sees her pain and loves her in the midst. It is this expansive approach that makes the difference. She must be known, loved, confronted, and called to greater wholeness-and perhaps in that order-- in order to spark real transformation.

Learning this delicate balance in my own life is a slow, painful, but ultimately healing transformation.