Authenticity is one of the gifts evident in finding one's voice. It has been liberating to be my self and to live my self....with all my very real gifts and shadows. I have grown, as a result, less defensive. After all, admitting to my own faults reduces the temptation to defend an illusion [or perhaps delusion] of personal perfection.
Paradoxically, it has been both liberating and painful to recognize others' lies and delusions. I have endured two spouses who took liberties with the truth, and I often questioned myself rather than them. I questioned whether my ability to trust was compromised. I no longer question my own ability to trust...rather, I know deeply that I can trust my inner voice that wonders: "Is this true?". As I have owned my own shadows, I have, in turn, disowned the temptation to trust others over myself.
Living my life authentically means coming to terms with the lies I told myself within these relationships...lies about my own gifts, about trusting myself, and about speaking truth in the midst. Finding my voice means recognizing both the gifts and the shadows in who I am....affirming the gifts and mediating the shadows. It also means forgiving myself for disowning my sense of self in the past.
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On faith, relationships, and musical theatre
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