Gifts and the Single Parent

Nurturing a joy for giving is arguably a crucial component for raising a child. Kids learn their life lessons within the context of immediate family. Enter yet another delicate dilemma number for the single parent. Gift giving is yet another one of those areas that is neglected in the Single Parent handbook.

The best-case scenario is for each of the parents to take their child shopping for the other respective parent. Despite our best efforts, sometimes we have to realize that no matter how hard one tries, sometimes our circumstances simply don't rise to the level of "best-case scenario". After all, it's called best case for a reason...at some point, we realize that our scenario is placed on a different point in the bell curve. So, what do we do when we realize our child is craving the opportunity to buy us a present?

I worked with my former husband in the first few years to have Gabe buy the other presents, but that petered out over time. This year, I've had a few clues that Gabe deeply desired the opportunity to give me a gift. The biggest clue was a narrative essay that Gabe drafted in 5th Grade English in which he and his dad went from "store to store" looking for a "neklace for mom" only to be thwarted at each retail stop. When he didn't want me to read it because he was "embarrassed", my heart sunk as I realized the depth of his desire to buy something special for his mom. At the same time, I know that taking him out, giving him money, and having him buy me something special is not special at all.

Enter the greatest gifts of the single parent, those friends who come into our lives and really get it...not only the void in our lives but also the void of our children. My friend Carrie, whom Gabe calls his adopted Aunt, is one of those great gifts. She took my son out shopping for that special Christmas gift, and his great pride in being the giver was evident in his comments as I unwrapped the necklace he'd picked out with a lil' help from Auntie Carrie. He commented, "Wow, that's a shiner" and queried (while really knowing the answer) "Will you treasure it forever?".

Yes, Gabe, I will treasure this wonderful "love's embrace" necklace forever. I treasure the giver beyond all measure. I treasure the blessing I have to be your mom every day, and I wear your necklace each day as a reminder of that blessing. I see your deep joy when your gaze turns to my necklace. I am thankful for you and for who you are becoming.

And, I treasure the gift of friends who surround you and me so that you fulfill the deepest desires of your heart...to be a giver, to bring joy to those you love, to use your resources to bring joy to others.

It's Time

I swore I'd never lose myself in a relationship. And, I'm glad to say, that's largely been true. I did, however, lose this blog in the midst of a relationship.
Two blogs in the first 9 months of this year...the first a breakup in March...the second a back-together in July. I couldn't bring myself to blog when I broke things off on September 1st.

When I told Gabe, he said: "Are you going to get back together?" and I said "I don't think so, honey". He said..."You break up, you get back together, you break up, you get back together...that's how things work!". "Well, that's what I hoped too but it doesn't always work that way", I noted.

It's been a few months and we're doing fine. Gabe keeps asking me if I'm dating someone (No!) and he's on the lookout when we are out..."You Single?", he suggests I ask when I so much as greet a man.

Lest I leave my dating life to my 10 year old matchmaker (whose suggestions thus far include a grocery checker half my age), I should probably get back out there. While I have fantasies of meeting someone in some real-life context, that's just unlikely in my circles, so I am thinking about venturing back on-line. This, however, requires some humbling work....the daunting "personal profile". Here's my first draft...dear reader, would you...if you were a handsome, engaging, intelligent 40 something year old male...find reason to e-wink me?

What a gift to leave myself open to the possibility of a committed relationship in the long term. Getting there means meeting new people and making friends...gifts in and of themselves. I've learned much from past relationships, and trust that I will learn more in the future...both about myself but about the nature of relationships as well.

I have a 10 year old son, who is the joy of my life. He keeps me grounded by making me laugh and reminding me what's important.

I have a diverse group of interests, including reading, theatre, and music. I also enjoy a sports game from time to time, and keep apprised of my beloved Buckeyes.

I am lucky to have meaningful work as a college faculty member. Working with the next generation keeps me young at heart and hopeful for the future.

There is much of life that is made richer when it is shared, and I look forward to making connections that allow me to share both the joy and challenges that life offer.