Silent Night(s and Days)

For as long as I can remember, I've had stage fright with my singing. When I was 15, I burst into tears during my audition for Lil' Abner. When I was 17, I walked out of the audition for Madrigal singers, the highest caliber musical group in my high school. The list of "chickening out" since then is longer than I care to admit. One might imagine how taking voice lessons, building confidence in my singing has been a big step. I haven't yet taken the plunge to audition for community theatre. Last winter, I was excited to audition for a community theatre production of Secret Garden. The show has a dream role for an alto...Martha is funny, she tells songs with stories, she is sassy. And the role calls for a low alto...right up my alley. So, this is a dream role...yet, I imagined being excited to simply take part in the chorus or have a bit part. After all, this was to be my first audition in 20+ years...I wasn't expecting the moon. The role and the show also fit my other important parameter...it was a show my 6 year old could see! In the final weeks leading up to the audition, I got bronchitis...and I completely lost my voice. The voice was in no shape for an audition, so I had to pass. I was really disappointed...I really wanted to take the plunge...it's a long lost dream after all. A couple months later, I sang in the college, where I work's, Employee Variety Show. I sang a comedic piece from I love You, You're Perfect, Now Change. In this musical about the cycle of relationships, I sang Always a Bridesmaid which details the disastrous wedding dresses and marriages witnessed by a perpetual bridesmaid. I was nervous, but I had a great time. The show raised funds for a charity, and my jar raised the most money of all 10 acts. I did it! I sang in public, and I did good! The confidence continues to grow bit by bit.

Following the Variety Show, a colleague, Jon, who'd played alto sax during the show asked: "Do you ever sing jazz? Because I could hear some renditions as you sang...". The next day, I ordered some Ella Fitzgerald and Diana Krall. I am hooked. So, when asked if I'd contribute a "talent" to the Employee Christmas lunch, I called Jon! He was thrilled with the idea, and before long...we have a full jazz program complete with 7 instruments and 3 vocalists. One piece is my singing Winter Wonderland with the instrumentalists! Talk about a dream!! Well, one week before the luncheon--last Friday--I woke up with no voice. I'd had a slight ear ache; it's cold and flu season. Before the cold even hit, the voice was gone. After an initial bout of frustration and hopelessness, I decided to do all possible to heal my vocal chords in time for this coming Friday. In the 4 days since, I have spoken perhaps 6 sentences. My son is getting very good at discerning my charade-like, silent directives to eat dinner, play cards, brush teeth. I have drank more tea than I can count. I'm giving it my best shot. Perhaps the good news is that years ago, a hoarse voice would have been the perfect cover for my stage fright...an easy out. This time, the hoarseness catapulted me, after a bout of self-pity, into a serious fight to get my voice ready to sing no matter the cost.