On Being a Woman

I was asked this morning by a man I barely know for some "tips on housekeeping'. If not for the humor in the question [shall we say the less than pristine state of my household], I might have lost it. Perhaps there is serendipity in the reality that this was an on-line venue. I politely responded that my housekeeping is a disaster, and that right now I'm doing yardwork...which is also woefully behind.

Perhaps I should've let loose instead: "No, and why the hell did you ask?". Are you assuming that because I'm a woman that I must be good at housekeeping?". Or perhaps, I might have hearkened back to a previous e-conversation he and I had regarding what we'd discovered about ourselves since our marriages. I, for example, discovered soon after my husband moved out of the house that the house was a real mess and that there was nothing to eat. I had taken advantage of my husband's domestic gifts; for all the larger flaws in the marital relationship, it's crystal clear that I ate very well and that the house stayed clean....and I did little to contribute to these arenas. Perhaps, I could have returned the question with an equally stereotype-laden question. "So, my car won't go...any tips?" So, I've got my money on the Patriots this season...you?" .

I do not embody the domestic gifts all-too-commonly associated with being female. Moreover, I often drive miles out of my way rather than ever stop and ask directions. I rarely, if ever, tear up during movies. In fact, I rarely tear up at all. I yell at the television during Buckeye football games. I bring home the bacon as a single parent, and did so for the majority of my married life. If one were to decipher my gender solely on the basis of these characteristics, I'd land quite solidly in the male column. Either I'm not a woman, or we still have work to do on gender stereotypes. And, as Sojourner Truth declared, "Ain't I A Woman?"

Meme

I was tagged by Jenell at The Paris Project with a meme, which of course is completely new to me. An internet meme, according to Wikipedia, is "used to describe a catchphrase or concept that spreads in a fast way from person to person via the internet. The term stems from the broader term, Meme, which is a a "unit of cultural information that propagates from one mind to another as a theoretical unit of cultural evolution and diffusion". For this meme, here are the rules.

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
5. Present an image of martial discord from whatever period or situation you’d like.

Here are the seven facts about myself.

1. My great-grandmother, Alice Stebbins Wells, was the first policewoman in the United States. She was arrested so many times in her early years as an officer in Los Angeles for "impersonating a police officer" [others assumed she had stolen her husband's badge] that she was issued Policewoman's badge #1. My middle name is Alice, in her honor.
2. I love black licorice, but it doesn't love me.
3. My favorite place in the world in Laguna Beach....fond memories of my favorite grandparent, beautiful roses, ocean, cliffs....what's not to love?
4. During recent runs in both Central PA and Southern California, I stopped...literally...to smell the roses. In PA, I heard a voice from an upstairs window yell "Always take time to smell the roses" and I smiled affirmatively in the voices direction. I noticed a California driver notice me smell a rose, and she smiled. A smile on the face of a California driver is nothing to sneeze at. Perhaps its a bias from my Southern California upbringing, but the California roses were much more fragrant.
5. I am a daughter and a mother, but I feel like I'm parenting in both directions on my family tree.
6. I'm renovating my house in the Arts and Crafts tradition, and my son is used to saying "hello" by name to the seemingly random stream of men who let themselves in to our home each morning.
7. I am very happy to be 42!

One of the cultural realities of the meme is rapid revision of the original unit of information. In that spirit, I've tagged not seven but three blogs I like:

Malinda at ilni1
Kristina at tinabeth
Amanda C'est ma vie!

I assumed, at first, that martial discord was a typo for marital discord, but in tracking this particular meme's history, it turns out that martial discord is a image of war. My latest image of martial discord occurred in the airport when a family welcomed their soldier/husband/father home. I was heartened to witness their reunion, but deeply distressed and saddened by where he'd been and why he had to be there.

Cynthia

Last Lecture

I recently finished Randy Pausch's The Last Lecture. Pausch describes the premise of the Last Lecture on college campuses saying,

"Professors are asked to consider their demise and to ruminate on what matters most to them. And while they speak, audiences can't help but mull over the same question: What wisdom would we impart to the world if we knew it was our last chance? (p. 3)

What makes Pausch's text particularly powerful is that this Last Lecture is not hypothetical. Diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a few months before the lecture, he delivers the lecture with a prognosis of 3-6 months of good health. He his happily married and has 3 children, the oldest is 6. It would be easy for Pausch to focus on "woe is me". What I like is that Pausch frames the question by considering impact on the world as opposed to focusing on what he wants for himself.

Pausch's wisdom is about "really achieving your childhood dreams", and speaks to how, ultimately, each of his childhood hopes has been fulfilled, but perhaps not in the way he imagined. For example, he never got to work at Disneyland as an Imagineer...but, he did get to become a de factor Imagineer during a sabbatical from his faculty appointment. Thinking about how childhood dreams, and how they have come to fruition in surprising ways, is sound advice.

Reading Pausch's book begs a response in the reader similar to that of the audience of a Last Lecture. As I read his text, I was invited to imagine my own "last lecture". And, at the moment, I'm still ruminating.

Simple Pleasures

Today has been a day of simple pleasures. This morning, I went for a run and stopped to smell the roses...literally. This afternoon I shopped for vegetables at a local farm market. My son and I enjoyed fresh strawberries after he came home from school, and we made lime jello. Dinner included fresh, sliced tomatoes and steamed sweet corn. We even blew bubbles from the front porch. Dessert was vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup...the closest thing to complexity today was rainbow sprinkles. I bought flowers at the market, and planted them in my yard. Red salvia annuals and a perennial called "Ms. Manners"; given my lack of gardening sensibilities....a flower that advertised "obedience" was one I simply couldn't resist.

As I reflect on my day, and how I got there, I contemplate the nature of pleasure itself. A pleasure can simply mean a source of enjoyment or delight. Pleasure, however, also connotates that which is frivolous or a diversion from the real work of the day. As in, are your traveling for business or pleasure? [can it ever be both?]. So, while today was a delight...I also felt a nagging sense that I should've been getting something "done". Which brings me to contemplate simplicity. While simple means not complicated or complex, I found today to be complicated. I didn't even jot down a to do list today. No deadline loomed, and, as a result, I wasn't sure what to do next. My day of simple pleasures emerged out of lack of direction rather than intention.

Simple pleasures are a spiritual discipline, one that I have yet to cultivate. Tonight, I'll read some fiction and rest. Tomorrow, my to do list beckons.