Val invites bloggers for their six word memoirs. Smith Magazine asserts, "Everyone has a story. Can you tell yours in six words?" at www.sixwordmemoirs.com. Some of my favorites are: "I colored outside of the lines" (Jacob Thomas), "Always working on the next chapter" (Milan Pham), and "A new memoir every five years" (Srini Rajagopalan).
Here are thoughts for my memoir titles:
On Confusing Marriage and Social Work
Shower to Stage: Confident Singing in 10,000 Lessons
Single Motherhood: Incentive to Wholeness
Friday, February 22, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Vocal Complexities
I experienced conflict with a significant other; something upset me and I let him know. As we worked through it [successfully, I'm pleased to acknowledge], we addressed not only the what but the how. In my delivery, he gave me a 4; for content an 8. I acknowledge that 45 minutes of reflection had certainly improved my delivery, meaning that I could have been much worse! Clearly, I have a way to go.
Finding voice is complicated; it necessitates both tone and content. Authentic voice requires attentiveness to one's audience, that is to say, considering not only what one needs to say but also what the other needs to hear and how they will best hear it.
I have often privileged the content of what is right over the manner in which it is delivered. If I am honest, I privilege being right over being kind most often when I am in delivery mode. It is easy on the receiving end to privilege kindness and compassion. It is tempting in delivery mode to be righteous about the what....about the naive truth that "I am right". Speaking truth genuinely is hard. Living authentically is tough work. As I learn to speak truth more often, I must also learn to do so more compassionately. I cannot practice one lesson without the other.
I love the biblical narrative of the woman at the well. When Jesus meets this Samaritan woman, he speaks truth in a manner that communicates genuine love above all else. It is clear that Jesus knows her....really knows her. He recognizes the sin in her life, but simultaneously sees her pain and loves her in the midst. It is this expansive approach that makes the difference. She must be known, loved, confronted, and called to greater wholeness-and perhaps in that order-- in order to spark real transformation.
Learning this delicate balance in my own life is a slow, painful, but ultimately healing transformation.
Finding voice is complicated; it necessitates both tone and content. Authentic voice requires attentiveness to one's audience, that is to say, considering not only what one needs to say but also what the other needs to hear and how they will best hear it.
I have often privileged the content of what is right over the manner in which it is delivered. If I am honest, I privilege being right over being kind most often when I am in delivery mode. It is easy on the receiving end to privilege kindness and compassion. It is tempting in delivery mode to be righteous about the what....about the naive truth that "I am right". Speaking truth genuinely is hard. Living authentically is tough work. As I learn to speak truth more often, I must also learn to do so more compassionately. I cannot practice one lesson without the other.
I love the biblical narrative of the woman at the well. When Jesus meets this Samaritan woman, he speaks truth in a manner that communicates genuine love above all else. It is clear that Jesus knows her....really knows her. He recognizes the sin in her life, but simultaneously sees her pain and loves her in the midst. It is this expansive approach that makes the difference. She must be known, loved, confronted, and called to greater wholeness-and perhaps in that order-- in order to spark real transformation.
Learning this delicate balance in my own life is a slow, painful, but ultimately healing transformation.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Authenticity
Authenticity is one of the gifts evident in finding one's voice. It has been liberating to be my self and to live my self....with all my very real gifts and shadows. I have grown, as a result, less defensive. After all, admitting to my own faults reduces the temptation to defend an illusion [or perhaps delusion] of personal perfection.
Paradoxically, it has been both liberating and painful to recognize others' lies and delusions. I have endured two spouses who took liberties with the truth, and I often questioned myself rather than them. I questioned whether my ability to trust was compromised. I no longer question my own ability to trust...rather, I know deeply that I can trust my inner voice that wonders: "Is this true?". As I have owned my own shadows, I have, in turn, disowned the temptation to trust others over myself.
Living my life authentically means coming to terms with the lies I told myself within these relationships...lies about my own gifts, about trusting myself, and about speaking truth in the midst. Finding my voice means recognizing both the gifts and the shadows in who I am....affirming the gifts and mediating the shadows. It also means forgiving myself for disowning my sense of self in the past.
Paradoxically, it has been both liberating and painful to recognize others' lies and delusions. I have endured two spouses who took liberties with the truth, and I often questioned myself rather than them. I questioned whether my ability to trust was compromised. I no longer question my own ability to trust...rather, I know deeply that I can trust my inner voice that wonders: "Is this true?". As I have owned my own shadows, I have, in turn, disowned the temptation to trust others over myself.
Living my life authentically means coming to terms with the lies I told myself within these relationships...lies about my own gifts, about trusting myself, and about speaking truth in the midst. Finding my voice means recognizing both the gifts and the shadows in who I am....affirming the gifts and mediating the shadows. It also means forgiving myself for disowning my sense of self in the past.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Giving Voice to our Stories
"Writing can be a creative and invigorating way to make our lives available to ourselves and to others. We have to trust that our stories deserve to be told - we may discover that the better we tell our stories, the better we will want to live them." -Henri Nouwen
Friday, January 4, 2008
Voice and the Next Generation
My 6 year old Guatemala born son, Gabe, and I have an evening ritual. After we read books and turn out the lights each night, we have a little conversation about our day. We ask each other for "favorite" and "least favorite" moments of the day. Sometimes we play "Two Truths and a Lie", where we say 3 things about our day and the other has to guess which, of the 3, is the lie. Last night, our evening conversation evolved into things we would change, if we could, about the world. Gabe said he would make "ticks extinct" and he would invent a special potion to rid the world of "mosquitoes". I'm not certain where his bug disdain came from, but it was a distinct theme. During my turn, I suggested that I would eliminate prejudice, which I defined in what I thought was good kid language as "when people tend to not like those look differently from them". I thought it was a moment to prepare him for both the reality of prejudice against those with darker skin tone as well as the opportunity we have to make our world a better place. Gabe's immediate response surprised me as he exclaimed, "I thought John Luther King took care of that". It took me a moment to recover from the cuteness factor and to respond, well "Martin Luther King, Jr. did a lot of work to change laws and helped us make a lot of progress"...but there is still work to do in people's hearts.
How does a 6 year old already believe that race relations were fixed 40 years before he was born? How will his perspective be impacted when he comes upon the realities of modern day race relations? Specifically, that he will, at some point in time, be treated in a particular way due to his ethnicity? It strikes me that Gabe's response is reminiscent of a lot of adults. Didn't we fix all that race stuff in the 1960's? I don't think so. But how do we honor both progress and the need for change? And do so in a way that both honors our predecessors who have instilled progress and also galvanize future generations to overcome cynicism and seek change?
How does a 6 year old already believe that race relations were fixed 40 years before he was born? How will his perspective be impacted when he comes upon the realities of modern day race relations? Specifically, that he will, at some point in time, be treated in a particular way due to his ethnicity? It strikes me that Gabe's response is reminiscent of a lot of adults. Didn't we fix all that race stuff in the 1960's? I don't think so. But how do we honor both progress and the need for change? And do so in a way that both honors our predecessors who have instilled progress and also galvanize future generations to overcome cynicism and seek change?
Friday, December 21, 2007
Pulling Through
After a quiet and disciplined week, today was the day. I did it. I didn't back out. I sang "Winter Wonderland" with a fabulous, impromptu jazz ensemble. My voice held out. After the piece, I sang several Christmas carols and enjoyed talking again. Of course, after a few hours of freedom, my voice is raspy low again. The "no holds barred" approach to having the voice ready was apparently important! Anyway, focusing on the physical health of my voice kept me from obsessing over the upcoming "performance"! Today, I intentionally reminded myself the best lesson I've received which is in voice lessons: while notes matter, what is most important is to tell the story! Ella is my hero in transforming a song into a story!
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